


Old Me

by jenlouniverse



Series: CALM's stories [3]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Family, Gen, Making Mistakes, Old me, Old pictures, Shout Out, Song Fiction, The Past, and mostly growing up, and moving on, but learning from them, but we learn from it, calm, hopefully, it can be any of the boys, old souvenir, old them, the past is in the past, this song is about life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:33:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23752405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenlouniverse/pseuds/jenlouniverse
Summary: Third song from CALM: Old MeDiving through old memories.
Series: CALM's stories [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1705273
Kudos: 2





	Old Me

"There is no place like home". Here's what the boy thought as he walked through the corridor he used to know so well. He closed his eyes for a second, letting the comforting feeling overflowing his body and mind as he inhaled the scent he had been missing for more than a year.

So much had happened in the last eighteen months, and he wondered how it would feel to be back for a few days. The house was silent as he walked into the living room, and stopped, almost dropping his cases as he saw old pictures of himself and his friends. He hadn't seen those pictures in a while, and seeing them just now felt like a punch in the face at all the memories, all the years coming back to him in just a second. He slowly put his cases on the floor and looked closely at all the pictures on the dresser. He smiled tenderly at some of them, remembering the birthday parties which most of the time ended in playing football in the garden until it was dark outside. Some others made him cringe a little as he was reminded of _all the mistakes he made_. But the cringe slowly turned into a smile because he knew he had learned from these mistakes and bad times. He had _paid the price_ since then, and even if he will always be _constantly reminded_ of everything he had done or shouldn't have done, he was fine with it.

Now that he was facing his past, the young man couldn't help but see how far he'd come. How far they had come. After eighteen months being on tour, he was glad to be back home even though he somehow wondered _how the hell he'd make it home_. It still felt kind of surreal to be there, surrounded by the scent and this comforting feeling he never knew he was missing this much, until now. There was no place like home. Just like the name of their first complete tour around their home country.

He knew that some people in his family didn't approve of his life style, that they said it wouldn't last. He had heard it all his life and his friends have been hearing it too in their own families. But they continued, they kept on pursuing the happiness they felt whenever they are together, whenever they go on stage, the rush of feelings when the fans were singing along with them. And if it didn't last then, so be it. They had enjoy every single second of it. But they were all wrong the boy thought, wandering in his house, checking what had changed and remained. They were all wrong because for the last seven years, they had been living their dream, never stopping going from one city to another, one country to another sometimes even _wondering if they'd ever get enough_ of it. They missed home and their closest family, but the adrenaline, the happiness of singing in front of so many people was a feeling they would never get tired of. It was all worth it.

His mom got out of the kitchen and she almost had tears in her eyes as she saw him. She knew he was coming home, but after eighteen months without being able to hug him, have him close and tell him in the eyes how proud she was, she couldn't contain her feelings anymore. A small smile appeared on the young man's face as he went to his mom, hugging her. They stayed like this for at least a minute, without saying a word, just enjoying each other presence after all this time appart. The boy couldn't help but feel young again, almost as old as the picture he had just seen. All of their parents, his and his friends', had always been there, always been supportive of everything they were trying to achieve, no matter _all of the mistakes they had made_ along the way. They always had believe in them even when _no one could control them_ , even when they sometimes _did some shit they never should have done_. But the four of them knew exactly that they _would do it over now_ just because that's what had led them to where they were today.

When you're young, it's sometimes hard to figure what's wrong or what's right when you don't even know who you are yet. The four friends had always been there for each other, each time something was going down, every time they had a sort of mental breakdown or when everything felt too much. They had grown together and the four of them were the only one who knew each other so well.

His mom slowly let go, looking at him, he was taller than her, he had been for a while now and every time she looked at him, she couldn't help but be so proud of what he had become. She told him that he could go to his room to unpack, which the boy did after kissing her mom on the cheek and taking a last quick glance at the old pictures.

The feeling he had when he entered his room was a feeling he has never felt before, stronger than the one he had felt when he opened the front door a few minutes earlier. Just like when his mother hugged him he was instantly back to the old days, when he was just playing his guitar on his own, never once thinking or daring to hope that he would be where he was today.

He unpacked some of his stuff, a little smile on his face as he took a look at all the posters that had stayed on his walls. Some of the bands he had the opportunity to meet, and other bands with whom he even had the chance to write some songs. As he sat on his bed, taking a look around for a second, he spotted, in the corner of his room an old shoe box, and he knew exactly what was inside. He hesitated a few minutes, just starring at it before he finally reached for it and put it next to him. He crossed his legs on his bed and took a deep breath before opening the white box.

Souvenirs, key chains, some words written on old paper and pictures. It was like his past was starring at him all of a sudden. He reached for the pictures first and smiled when he saw that some of them belonged to the same parties as the one he had seen on the pictures in his living room. There were also some other parties when he and his friends were a little older, going to clubs mostly which were a little more private since their parents had never known about most of them. He stopped at one picture in particular: he was kissing a girl and he remembered how in love they were at this time, almost never quitting each other sides. His girlfriend was always here to attend the rehearsals, being nice and true to the band, always hanging out with them. They all had had a good time. But one day, they had to leave for tour, their first biggest tour and he _left his lover lonely_ because they were too young to maintain the distance in their relationship, because when they saw each other again, everything had changes, they had changed.

There were some pictures of their first tour too and he remembered how he felt at this time, how they probably all felt. _Never a night alone_ , going to parties and sometimes, all the four of them, sleeping in the same bed as they were too happy, too tired, but mostly too young to be sleeping alone when they had all those feelings fighting inside of them. He smiled again as he remembered when, sometimes, he _woke up in the morning wearing someone else's clothes_ which were most of the time those of his band mates.

He was almost sure that his three other friends were going through the same feelings as he was when diving into his old memories, enveloped by the feeling of being at home. Another picture. He wasn't in this one so he was probably the one taking it, but he couldn't remember where or when it happened as he looked for clues in it. He thought he spotted one of his band mates and maybe an old friend of his, but mostly this picture was taken _with people he didn't know_.

Some souvenir caught his eye, but he wished he hadn't seen or kept it. He was glad he had been _walking out of here alive_ but it had felt like hell to be there. No one never knew about it, but it had definitely been the worst day of his life. It happened about three or four years after everything began, he was happy first, to be back home, telling everything that had happened to his family, the memories, the friends he had made along the way. Until he saw him. Until he saw an old friend he was so happy to bump into, especially after all this time. They hadn't talked in a while and he wanted to catch up. And, yeah, maybe he _had fuck it up_ by giving no news in the previous years, but when you're all around the world, you don't really have the time to. That doesn't mean he didn't think of his friend in those previous years. Apparently, his friend had not felt this way, but he didn't let it show first. They had spend some hours together talking about everything and anything but the boy had somehow felt that something was off. To him, it was like his friend was _constantly reminding him of all the compromises_ that had to be done when his life took a different turn. He knew it was hard to move forward, but with the time he learnt how to face it. On that day, though, it had been clear that his friend didn't want to be his friend anymore. Today, this friend was part of _the people from his past who had a hard time letting go._ He remembered very well what happened after their encounter too. He remembered his face, his _look in the mirror_ asking himself a thousand questions, wondering if he had made the right choices. He was living his dream, but on the other side he was losing lovers and friends, people he loved and knew all his life. And it was hard. It was hard to see al those people staying in the past when he just wanted to grow up, know himself better, live and share his dreams.

He let go of the souvenir, closed the box and put it back where he found it before going back to the living room, to go see his siblings and his parents and took one last glance at the picture of their band a few years younger and thought _"_ _shout out to the old me and everything he showed me"._


End file.
